Common Caregiver Problems
- Admin
- 2 days ago
- 8 min read
With each day the tasks will get easier to do. That being said, there are some common concerns that come up with caregiving that most people will experience at some point. The type of condition your loved one has dictates the types of problems you may come across, but there are some we will address here that are common across most caregiver's experiences.
Refusal of Care (Loved One Resisting Help)
Especially common in individuals who used to be independent, stroke survivors, and those with cognitive decline like dementia is the refusal of care. There may be times when your loved one just outright does not want to do something that needs to be done like bathing or going to the bathroom. It may be an occasional thing, or it may be something you grapple with every day to try and convince them to get tasks done.
This is one of the most frustrating parts of caregiving, because logically, it makes no sense. You’re trying to help them, and they’re fighting you on it.
But here's the part no one tells you:
It's usually not about the task.
It's about control, embarrassment, discomfort, or fear.
Imagine needing help using the bathroom, or having someone tell you when to shower. Even if they need help, the help can feel humiliating. That feeling often comes out as a resistance.
Some things that can help:
Give options instead of commands ("Would you rather shower before dinner, or after?")
Change your wording ("Let's wash up" instead of "You need a bath")
Walk away and try again later if it's not urgent
Keep routines consistent so it becomes expected
And sometimes?
They're still going to say no.
If its not a safety issue, it's okay to pick your battles. Not every "no" needs to turn into a fight.
Managing Behavioral Changes
Behavioral changes can feel like you're carrying a completely different person. Mood swings, anger, confusion, paranoia, or even personality changes are common depending on the condition.
One day they're calm. The next, they're accusing you of things that make zero sense. It's not personal, even when it feels very personal.
You might hear things like:
"You're stealing from me"
"I don't know who you are"
"Leave me alone"
"You're trying to kill me"
It hurts. But in many cases, especially with cognitive decline, they are reacting to what feels real.
Explaining facts won't change their mind, it can escalate things. Redirect the conversation instead of correcting them. Stay calm, and remove overstimulation (clutter, noise, distractions). Some days you will handle this well, some days you won't. Both are normal.
Communication Breakdowns
At some points, communication will become difficult. Hearing loss, cognitive decline, medical conditions, strokes can all change the way conversations are had. You may repeat yourself 10 times; they might struggle to find the right words. Tone makes a huge impact on the situation.
Some other suggestions are:
Speaking slower
Use simple, clear words and sentences
Be patient and don't try to answer for them
Ask one question at a time
Keep your volume at normal levels
Loss of Independence (For Them and You)
Loss of independence is one of those things that sounds simple when people say it, but it’s not simple when you’re actually living it. It doesn’t just happen one day where everything is different. It builds slowly, and that’s part of what makes it harder to adjust to.
At first it’s small things that don’t seem like a big deal, like needing help opening something or asking you to double check something for them. Then it turns into needing help standing, or remembering things, or managing basic tasks, and at some point you realize they can’t really function on their own the way they used to.
The important thing to understand is that you’re adjusting to something too. Even if your role is to take care of them, your life has changed in a real way and ignoring that doesn’t make it easier. If anything, it makes it build up over time.
Taking periodic breaks from your loved one are necessary and are entirely healthy.
Physical Toll of Caregiving
Caregiving takes a physical toll in a way that people don’t always expect until they’re already feeling it. It’s not just one big task, it’s the repetition of small movements throughout the day that start to add up.
At first it might just feel like soreness. A tight back, a stiff shoulder, maybe some fatigue that goes away after you rest. But over time, if you’re not careful, that turns into real strain. Back pain, pulled muscles, joint issues, and other things that don’t just go away overnight and can make caregiving even harder to manage.
A lot of caregivers fall into the habit of just “getting it done,” especially if there’s no one else around to help. You don’t always have the option to stop and think through the safest way to move someone, and in the moment; you just do what works. The problem is that doing it the quickest way isn’t always the safest way for your body.
There are a few things that make a difference over time:
Using your legs instead of your back when lifting or helping someone stand
Keeping movements slow and controlled instead of rushed
Adjusting your position so you’re not twisting or overreaching
Using support tools like gait belts or even a towel when needed
If something feels too heavy or unstable, it probably is. Pushing through it might work in the moment, but it can lead to injuries that stick around and make everything harder going forward.
Your body is part of the job, whether you think about it that way or not. Taking a few extra seconds to move correctly, or recognizing when something is too much, can save you a lot of pain later on.
Financial Stress
Financial stress is one of those parts of caregiving that doesn’t always show up right away. It’s not always one large expense that causes the problem, it’s the smaller, ongoing costs that start to add up without you really noticing at first.
Things like medications, supplies, transportation, extra groceries, or even just higher utility bills from being home more often can slowly increase what you’re spending. On top of that, your ability to earn or work the same way you used to might change, whether that means cutting hours, turning down opportunities, or just not having the same flexibility.
That shift can create a constant background stress. You’re not just thinking about what needs to be done for your loved one, you’re also thinking about how everything is going to get paid for, and how long you can keep things going the way they are.
It can start to feel like you’re stretching everything thinner than you’re comfortable with, trying to balance your own responsibilities with someone else’s needs at the same time.
Some common financial pressures caregivers run into include:
Ongoing medical and care-related expenses
Reduced income or limited work flexibility
Unexpected costs that come up without warning
Trying to manage two sets of financial responsibilities at once
This kind of stress can be easy to ignore at first, especially when your focus is on caregiving itself, but over time it can become just as overwhelming as the physical and emotional parts.
If you’re feeling it, you’re not the only one. Looking into assistance programs, insurance coverage, or local resources can help take some of that pressure off, even if it’s just a small amount.
Caregiver Burnout
Caregiver burnout is what happens when the stress of caregiving goes on for too long without enough of a break. It’s not just being tired after a long day, it’s a constant feeling of being drained, both mentally and physically. It can sneak up on you because it builds over time, and a lot of caregivers don’t realize it’s happening until they’re already deep in it.
You might think you’re just having a rough week, when really your body and mind have been running on empty for a while.
It doesn’t always look the same for everyone, but there are some common signs that start to show up when burnout is setting in:
Feeling constantly exhausted, even after resting
Getting irritated or overwhelmed more easily than usual
Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
Dreading tasks you normally handle without issue
Trouble focusing or staying organized
If you start noticing these patterns, it’s a sign that something needs to shift, even if it’s small.
Burnout doesn’t fix itself by pushing through it harder. Sometimes it just means stepping back where you can, letting go of non-essential tasks, or accepting help instead of trying to manage everything on your own. Even short breaks or small adjustments in your routine can make a difference when you’re starting to feel worn down.
Stress and Overwhelm
It's easy to get frustrated, and a lot harder to stay calm. Having your own priorities and taking on those of another person are overwhelming at first. But I promise, they are not impossible. We all want to do the best for our loved one, and sometimes that means we sacrifice ourselves in the process. The truth is you don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be good enough.
If you’ve ever been a parent or a pet parent, you know that there is a guilt that comes with caretaking.
“Am I doing enough?”
“Did I remember to do everything?”
“What if I can’t get this done for them?”
The truth is, if you’re asking these questions then you’re already doing more than you think. This type of self-awareness is crucial but also can send you spiraling. Much like taking care of a baby for the first time, you’re learning. It comes with trial and error, and making mistakes are expected. Sometimes you’ll want to sit in the bathroom and cry. Some days you’ll feel like you’ve mastered it. Sometimes, you just run on autopilot. And none of it is wrong.
The main things you should worry about fall into these categories:
Are they safe?
Are they fed?
Are they clean?
If you can say yes to all 3, then you’re doing enough. When any of these three are not met, that is when it’s time to reevaluate what you can and can’t do right now.
Taking care of someone is a day-by-day task. You may start out believing you can somehow meal prep, sweep and mop, fold the laundry, run the washer, unload the dishwasher, cook all the meals, fit in 30 minutes of exercise, bathe/toilet/do-a-pirouette all in the 2 hours you have after work and before picking up the kids.
You can’t.
So don’t put that expectation on yourself.
Instead, focus on what you can do. If you cook, wash dishes while the food heats. If you don’t cook, there is no shame in heating up a balanced microwave meal.
If you have to bathe your loved one, brush their teeth at the same time. If they have bills to pay, try to work due dates out around the same time your own bills are due and pay them on the same day. Condense tasks into bite sized chunks and leave what can’t be done for another day.
Doing it all won’t make you feel any better than if you push it for another day.
As long as your loved one is safe, fed, and clean you’ve done enough today.
More Support
When you're ready for the next step, check out some ways to care for yourself with Caregiver Burnout or find some respite services with Caregiver Support.
Pardon our ads, they allow us to keep our site running and keep our helpful content free to access.
Comments